When Hurting Helps

I have been reminded this past week of how pain can be bad . . . and good. My lovely bride of 36 years recently had surgery to relieve severe neck pain. Guess what? It hurt! She now finds herself in the recovery process. It will take time for the pain of the surgery to go away and truly discover if the original pain is gone. She has traded one pain for another.

In my limited experience with surgery, I remember all the pre-operation disclosures that have to be signed. All sorts of side-effects and possible outcomes are explained. Just in case it doesn’t work out, I needed to know what I was getting into. In essence, the physician was asking for my permission to hurt me . . . really hurt me. And the odds were, that this hurting would eventually bring about healing.

I guess what I’ve been mulling over this past week is another “painful” life lesson: sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Living my life to avoid pain (physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional), is not necessarily good for me. Sometimes I can only make progress if pain is involved.

A sign in my gym says, “pain is weakness leaving the body.” If that’s so, I must be the weakest person ever. I almost always hurt after a workout! In the long term, I know it is good for me.

I’m not saying we all need to become people who seek out the most painful experiences we can in order to grow and heal. But I do think we should remember that there is healing beyond the hurting.

Maybe that’s just enough to get us through.

Sticks and stones can break my bones . . .

. . . but words can never hurt me. Are you sure about that?

I hesitated for a long time getting more connected to my world with social media. The ability to broadcast every minute aspect of my life as well as photographs and other personal information might do more harm than good, not only to me, but to others.  I’m not sure I can handle it.

How can it harm me? It can put me at the center of my own universe, suggesting that what I do is so important that everyone should know about it. My FB, Twitter, texting, and emailing puts me as the star of my own show. I can broadcast all kinds of stuff about me. I believe it can lead to a form of narcissism– “inordinate fascination with  oneself.” Exactly the opposite of the humble, selfless servant we see pictured in the life of Jesus. He was the most interesting person who ever lived, the smartest and most powerful person in the world, and yet, He did not force himself on others. The Bible says, He “stands at the door and knocks.” Jesus doesn’t break down your door and force Himself on you. You get to decide. The most important person in the universe, the One who “holds all things together,” is not a narcissist. Can you imagine Jesus posting, “Just had a pretzel at Auntie Anne’s . . . yum”? Or, “I’m about to do some really cool things with loaves and fishes . . . join the hungry multitude, you don’t want to miss out!” Jesus was never self-promoting.

Thinking about myself, my opinions, and my life too much gives me an overinflated view of who I am. When we spend too much time thinking about ourselves, we don’t have time for more important things–like really living life and serving others. Followers of Jesus don’t think of themselves less, they just think of others more. Guard against the narcissism of social media.

Social media can also harm others. Countless undocumented observations, gossip, and innuendo go out into cyberspace every day. The problem is–you can’t take it back! Some people don’t seem to understand that when you post it, it becomes a part of a permanent global record. Careless negative statements and criticisms can ruin relationships and reputations. Half-truths, posted for all to see, become whole truths. While some are more discerning about what they read, it plants a seed of doubt or discontent that is hard to forget. Even if you know something to be true, you don’t necessarily have to announce it to your social network. Consider what is public and private and treat everything as private information unless the person or institution you are writing about gives you permission. Many Christian’s requests for prayer are really the means for relaying gossip. Here’s the general rule–”you don’t have to broadcast everything you know.” Its corollary is: “you probably don’t know everything you think you know.”

There are other things to consider as well. Isn’t it a bit creepy to know that people can look into the very windows of your life 24/7? That’s like never lowering the blinds or shutting the curtains in your living spaces. There are some things that we just shouldn’t see. What about substituting face-to-face relationships for screen-to-screen relationships? Many things can be misunderstood without the ability to read body language and facial expressions. Multiple just don’t cut it sometimes.

Am I against the “new” way of communicating? No, not at all. I am just calling for a heightened awareness and common-sense approach to using this marvelous tool.

Ask yourself, is what I’m about to “publish” loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and self-controlled? If not, do not push “send.” Keep it to yourself.

When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.  ~ Philippians 2:3-4 [NCV]

One Word?

Since I introduced the “one word” concept on Sunday morning, I have had many conversations with folks who have taken the challenge. It’s such a great idea, I wish it were mine! I learned about it from friends who directed me to the www.myoneword.org website. The site explains the concept much better than I could, but here’s the Cliff’s Notes version. Rather than making a list of several resolutions that you will break within a few weeks, select one word that will be the theme of your spiritual life this year. Find a Bible verse that helps illustrate or explain your word. Then, start using that word as the focal point of your day. Maybe you need to remind yourself of your one word every morning–maybe more than once a day. The point is that you have a point. Each day has a spiritual purpose for you. You don’t have to remember a long list–just one word.

The hard part is that there are so many words I could pick. I have a lot of things in my character that need improvement. How can I pick just one? Here’s a suggestion. Narrow your word list down to two or three single words. Then use a concordance or www.biblegateway.com to search for verses related to each word. Maybe one particular verse will ring true with you and your one word will become clear.

If you still can’t make up your mind, pick the best verse for each of your words and then think about them for a day or so. Sometimes “sleeping” on them can clarify your selection.  Still can’t decide? Try asking someone close to you which word they would select for you. If you’re brave, you can even ask why.  Perhaps you might even let them know how things are going for you during the course of the year. That person could become your accountablity partner.

I’m still thinking about my one word. What’s yours? Maybe mine should be decide.

A Blank Page

Sometimes when I prepare sermons (or messages or “talks”) I have a lot more information than I am able to share. In fact, I usually fearlessly edit my notes late on Saturday night and try to cut out anything not directly related to the big idea I am trying to convey. Last Sunday was no exception.

The big idea was taken from two parables in Matthew 25 (Parable of the Talents, and the Parable of the Sheep and the Goats): “Followers of Jesus are accountable to Him for the way they live their lives–doing nothing is unacceptable.”

I was surprised by the feedback I received after that message. Don’t get me wrong, I usually don’t get that much, so two or three is an increase! The big idea did seem to strike a tender spot with many listeners. It seems that all of us sense the need to do more and be more, especially at the beginning of the year when we reorder and reflect upon how our lives are going.

Here are some ideas that generated feedback from the listeners:

God holds each of us responsible for only what we can do. We need to be the best version of ourselves that God had in mind for us (John Ortberg’s concept from The Me I Want to Be). It is a relief to know that I don’t have to be someone else and that God has wired me to contribute to His agenda in a way no one else can.

The best offense is not a good defense. According to Jesus, the best offense is a good offense. The servants who were commended went out and did  something with what they were given. Jesus expects us to actively pursue His dreams for our world.

Fear gets in our way of accomplishing God’s agenda for our lives.

Fear of God. This is a misunderstanding of Him as a vengeful judge, just waiting for us to do something wrong so He can pounce on us.

Fear of God’s agenda. This is where our dream and God’s dream don’t align. Like Jonah, we are afraid that God might actually ask us to do something that might take us out of our comfort zone. Specifically, we should not confuse God’s dream with the American dream. God may not want us happy, fat and sassy.

Best quote of the message from Fredrich Buechner:

The New Testament proclaims that at some unforeseeable time in the future, God will ring down the final curtain on history, and there will come a Day on which all our days and all the judgment s upon us and all our judgements upon each other will themselves be judged. The judge will be Christ. In other words, the one who judges us most finally will be the one who loves us most fully.

The action points were:

Take time to reflect upon your life each day. Are you making the time count. Ask God to show you where you need to be more obedient to Him.

Get to know what Jesus really said about things. We think we know, but if you would read the words of Jesus and actually follow them, your life would be quite different. Start with the Sermon on the Mount and study it until you start to “get” it . . . and then study it some more.

Got to www.myoneword.org  and pick out a word to live by for 2011. Rather than having multiple resolutions that get broken, use your one word to focus upon each day.

Read something: Radical, The Hole in our Gospel, The Me I Wnnt to Be, or The Cure for the Common Life.

Some “leftovers” I didn’t get to work in.

Another great quote:

“The word judgment carries negative overtones for a good many people in our liberal and postliberal world. We need to remind ourselves that throughout the Bible God’s coming judgment is a good thing, something to be celebrated, longed for, yearned over. It causes people to shout for joy and the trees of the field to clap their hands. In a world of systematic injustice, bullying, violence, arrogance, and oppression, the thought that there might come a day when the wicked are firmly put in their place and the poor and weak are given their due is the best news there can be. Faced with a world in rebellion, a world full of exploitation and wickedness, a good God must be a God of judgment.” ~ N. T. Wright

“You cannot put straight in others what is warped in yourself.” ~ Athanasius of Alexandria, Patriarch of Alexandria and Church Father (c. 293-373)

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Do you have a plan to fill in the blank page that is 2011?

Hello world!

This is my third attempt at blogging. You know what they say about three strikes? I’m told it’s best to have a purpose for my blog, so here it is: leftovers. I like leftovers. In years past, we would often have “leftover” night at our house. We would get every scrap of food saved in the refrigerator that was not green and mossy or so ripe your eyes would water and have a buffet. Sometimes, it’s better the second, or third, time around. Other times, it’s best left uneaten.

So, I will post my leftovers here. Those things I have not been able to fit into any of my public talks or lessons. They are ideas or resources that didn’t quite make the cut. Not because they are inferior ideas, but because of time contraints or faulty memory. In some way, they just got left out.

They are still worth considering, so I want to post them somewhere so that others might get the opportunity to add these to their cognitive refrigerators to take out and consume on their buffet nights.

I cannot promise any regularity for these postings. It may be weeks between. But when I have leftovers, I’ll be sure to post them in hopes they will be just as good as they were when they were discovered the very first time. Let me know what you think!